Today, I learned that Emerson’s definition of friendship seems to agree significantly with my perception of friends. During the morning, I met with a number of friends that I have known since eighth grade. Later in the day, I had dinner with the family of one of my best friends. I found that at both times, I was able to shed my “undermost garments.” While having dinner with my friend’s family, I felt comfortable with sharing all of my opinions on everything, including school, and my ideas for improving everything that we do together. I told him about activities I do that I had never told him about before. It was harder to be this open during the morning, as the large number of people made it impossible for me to be entirely open.
When with my friends, I could passively embody the Emersonian idea of friendship. Over the course of four years, I have been able to nurture the relationships with these friends every Saturday, in accordance with Emerson’s idea of effort necessary to maintain a friendship. After knowing them for about a year or two, I met with them more frequently in order to have fun and be more acquainted with them. Unfortunately, I have also seen the truth to this theory in the deterioration of some of the friendships that I have not carefully maintained. At the end of eighth grade, I met a family from this group who immediately became one of my first best friends from this group that I meet with every Saturday. We maintained a close friendship for at least a year and I was very honest with him. Unfortunately, however, inconvenience among other factors made it impossible for me to see him frequently, resulting in slight deterioration of our friendship. Although we are still good acquaintances, he is not an “Emersonian” friend as I am not as open with him as I used to be.
I disagree with Emerson when he claims that it is impossible to have a large number of real friends who are not “frost work.” After four years, I have developed a strong relationship and mutual trust with my friends. Although I have not been able to completely maintain all of the relationships I have, at least five of the people in this group are my “Emersonian” friends, which is greater than the number that Emerson suggests in his essay. I would definitely say, however, that I have numerous “frost work” relationships, especially from a camp that I attended this summer. Although I was extremely friendly and honest with most of the people at this camp, I have not been able to maintain these relationships due to distance.
In order to really be an “Emersonian” friend, one should not specifically try on one day to be inconsistent with one’s normal self. As long as one puts effort in maintaining one’s friendship, one will passively be able to enjoy a friend’s company.
2 comments:
I can definitely relate to some of the experiences you had during this friendship experiment.
It's amazing how much of a difference it makes when you really make an effort to be open with your friends. In doing so, you really realize how much there is to learn about even your closest friends. I've learned so many things about my friends in open heart-to-heart conversations that have allowed me to understand them better as a person and create a better relationship between us.
Also, I definitely had the same experience with math circle friends, but I have to say my relationships with them have not been nearly as well-maintained as yours, since I haven't been able to attend for so long, and they have definitely moved further from being Emersonian.
I really liked your post about friendship. I too disagree with the notion that you can't have a lot of good friends, and that most of them will be as delicate as frost if you spread yourself too thin or whatever. I think it is possible to maintain lots of good friendships, I mean the more the merrier right? I also could relate with what you said about being able to reveal your undermost garments. In big groups of people I stay semi reserved, but in smaller ones I can really open up. Overall, I agreed with what you said about Emersonian friendships.
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